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Tears for years
I didn't pass chem (again). I told my mom and cried and told her how I felt as a failure that despite passing xx classes, the things that make me feel so shitty are the 3 ones that I didn't pass. I told her I was depressed and that I was better off dead. I told her I'm tired of disappointing her. I told her that I'm wasting her time, my time, her money, etc
And she hugged me and told me to stop crying, that its okay, that dont worry about time or money, she told me that maybe I'm at the wrong school, that this school isn't the one for me, asked me if i give up already (i said no--since im not against trying its just that "trying" costs $1,140 a class here at my school PER 3-months)
this update is short but i know some of you guys worry about me and my mental health. i'm fine for now knowing that my mom supports me and she didn't yell at me or say that i'm a disappointment... im reminded that i do love her alot and i appreciate her so much even if she doesn't support art or any "worthless degrees" but you know, i do understand where she comes from. Being that it did take her 7 years to finish college bc she had no money & when she transfered from Manila to Davao bc her brother wasn't financing her college at the time and she didn't want to take another year off, she was told by her brother to leave but never expect a cent from him again........ so i'm writing this immediately after our one hour talk and im still grateful for the fact that i have a parent who's willing to finance me and has the means to finance me because she never had this and i know a lot of kids don't.
so what now?
I might spend one later quarter (session) in UC Davis and see. This is me trying again after being down multiple times. Like I said, i don't mind if I keep trying its the fact that trying costs $$$$ here vs how much money it'd cost there.
I'm looking into schools in Davao (got recs? lol) and my mom was talking about property there or something... She was like, "Maybe it's time we get you a car over there" which was like ??????? to me because here I am, undeserving of this hug even, and she says she'll need to get me a car? Anyways, yeah. I'm looking for school for CLS (i guess they call it MLS there?) and my mom might go to Davao during her vacation around April 30th or so to ask questions and stuff there so yeah
The only sad thing about going to the philippines is that i won't see my mom or my sister or nugget or bubbles or jolli except holidays and even though my mom said i'd probably have to get another phone for PH, i don't think that'll fix how lonely i'd be for a while.
I did say, everyone's going to find out im a foreigner cause im light skinned :(
and she snorted and was like the sun's going to make you brown when you're there
so end of update :c i have to move my schedule around now and drop Chem2C so i can retake Chem2B...
byes xoxo
ps: maybe a positive to going to the philippines is finally meeting ph tlist lmao. mom also suggested manila but manila's hella congested BUT AT THE SAME TIIIME i wouldn't need to fly in for exo's concerts so like HMMMM
And she hugged me and told me to stop crying, that its okay, that dont worry about time or money, she told me that maybe I'm at the wrong school, that this school isn't the one for me, asked me if i give up already (i said no--since im not against trying its just that "trying" costs $1,140 a class here at my school PER 3-months)
this update is short but i know some of you guys worry about me and my mental health. i'm fine for now knowing that my mom supports me and she didn't yell at me or say that i'm a disappointment... im reminded that i do love her alot and i appreciate her so much even if she doesn't support art or any "worthless degrees" but you know, i do understand where she comes from. Being that it did take her 7 years to finish college bc she had no money & when she transfered from Manila to Davao bc her brother wasn't financing her college at the time and she didn't want to take another year off, she was told by her brother to leave but never expect a cent from him again........ so i'm writing this immediately after our one hour talk and im still grateful for the fact that i have a parent who's willing to finance me and has the means to finance me because she never had this and i know a lot of kids don't.
so what now?
I might spend one later quarter (session) in UC Davis and see. This is me trying again after being down multiple times. Like I said, i don't mind if I keep trying its the fact that trying costs $$$$ here vs how much money it'd cost there.
I'm looking into schools in Davao (got recs? lol) and my mom was talking about property there or something... She was like, "Maybe it's time we get you a car over there" which was like ??????? to me because here I am, undeserving of this hug even, and she says she'll need to get me a car? Anyways, yeah. I'm looking for school for CLS (i guess they call it MLS there?) and my mom might go to Davao during her vacation around April 30th or so to ask questions and stuff there so yeah
The only sad thing about going to the philippines is that i won't see my mom or my sister or nugget or bubbles or jolli except holidays and even though my mom said i'd probably have to get another phone for PH, i don't think that'll fix how lonely i'd be for a while.
I did say, everyone's going to find out im a foreigner cause im light skinned :(
and she snorted and was like the sun's going to make you brown when you're there
so end of update :c i have to move my schedule around now and drop Chem2C so i can retake Chem2B...
byes xoxo
ps: maybe a positive to going to the philippines is finally meeting ph tlist lmao. mom also suggested manila but manila's hella congested BUT AT THE SAME TIIIME i wouldn't need to fly in for exo's concerts so like HMMMM
no subject
God only test us with the things that He know we afford to do. Albeit it super hard or super duper extra hard. . ^^
Be strong girl.. 💪💪💪💪
no subject
Anyway I have always hoped you to stay strong and to never give up.
I know the feeling very well... Studying something you don't like or you can't be good at ,or feeling like you are waisting any thing you have, money, time or... but be strong ☺ This is life... full of failures that are your true teachers. Please be happy. Having just one chance, you deserve the life you ''like''. 💟
fiiiighting 💪❤
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It is not important how far we are from each other. look up at the sky. we both live under the same one... :)