NI: Merry Dickmas

[exobubz]

NI: Merry Dickmas drabble
Word count: 561
Synopsis: The one thing Baekhyun wanted, he didn't get.

Yeol.

Hm?

Did you get what you wanted this Christmas?

What do you mean?

Did you like what I got you?

Baekhyun, you got me a bunch of tools I don't need.

The commercials said it was a MUST for all dads.

You're making me feel old.

I mean, you ARE a dad, so it was fitting. But anyways, did what about the other things I got?

You mean the socks?

And the gloves. Oh! And the mug. World's greatest dad mug from Haneul!

They were great.

You don't sound that happy.

Probably because I don't really care about material things.

Why not?

Watching you and Haneul open presents was enough for me.

You're gross when you're corny.

You've told me this before.

Only cause it's true.

Mmm, right. Well, what about the things I got you? Were they alright?

Yeah, except for one problem.

Problem? What problem?

I didn't get c..s…

What?

Ch...se…

Speak up, Baekhyun.

Not when Haneul’s right there. Oh, Chanyeol, look at that. He's trying to push a square into a circle. So dumb…

Baekhyun, focus.

What?

What was it that you didn't get?

For?

Christmas.

Oh… Sex.

Sex? Christmas sex?

Yeah!

Are you serious--

I made sure to be naughty all year, but no. The one thing I wanted, I didn't get. Not even a new vibrator to make up for it.

You're unbelievable.

You're not wrong.

You're already pregnant.

And pregnant people are horny as fuck, okay? I didn't want you to kiss me under the mistletoe this year. I wanted you to fuck me… Kind of. Not too hard.

Baekhyun.

But it's whatever! We’ll have sex some other time. I'll fit you in my schedule somewhere between wedding planning and going to the doctors for this second bun in the oven.

We can have sex tonight.

No. I'm reading a new book tonight.

You're going to complain and then turn me down?

Not JUST because of that… I mean, my back hurts too and I'm feeling a bit nauseated, so I don't feel like it.

So you're just going to reschedule me.

Pretty much.

You're something else.

It's almost been 3 years. Why haven't you left me yet?

Because I'd miss how annoying you are.

Mmm… Sounds reasonable enough, but yeah. Same, I guess.

Same?

I'd miss your annoying voice, too.

Annoying voice--

Anyways, Merry Christmas, ape. I love you, kind of.

Baekhyun--

I'm going to go do laundry.

You don't DO the laundry anymore. Come back here and--

I can't hear you. I'm too far away.

Byun Baekhyun.

Park Chanyeol.

You love me KIND OF?

Hm?

Fix what you said.

Mmm… Okay. I love you...MAYBE.

Baekhyun.

I'm just playing with you. I meant to say I don't love you at all--Ah! STOP! I can't run fast! I'm pregnant, you moron--oof!

Now that I got you, what did you say again?

Nothing.

What? Didn't hear you.

I said nothing.

No, I don't think so. Tell me what you said.

Nghhh, Chanyeol. I have things to do.

Say it.

Park--

Repeat it, Byun.

Ugh. I hate you.

Not what I was looking for.

Tch...Fine. FINE.... I love you.

And?

And what?

Kiss on the cheek.

You are VERY clingy, sir.

I do my best.

There. Happy?

Yes, I am… Merry Christmas, runt.

Ugh. Merry Christmas to you, too, barbarian.